Purpose

Things have slowed down. Who would have ever thought.

Its amazing how things can change so fast. Today I am facing a whole new path for the next two weeks then the one that I anticipated two months ago, but God had it all along and in retrospect, I am so so thankful for that. This time I trusted God so much more then anytime before, and let Him lead. I was stronger. I was more aware. It was so much easier to see when I had served my purpose. And I know I did have a purpose in it all. I may not see the full picture now, but I will find peace knowing in God's perfect, all-knowing will, my life has purpose.

Update:

Moncton later today.

Toronto tomorrow night to see amazing friends!

Hamilton for the weekend for some birthday celebrations!

Fabulous!

Its That Time of Year Again!

If I could explain how crazy these past two weeks have been I'd gladly put it into words, but I don't think I'd do it justice.

I decided that instead of taking the time to write it all out, and vent to anyone and everyone, it'd do me more good to explain the good that has come out of it all so far.
God has totally been working in my world lately. There were times when I could only give thanks to God for even being coherent I had been up so long. I can't even remember what I wrote that paper on this weekend, but I know I typed more words on that word document then I say in the run of a day.

I was humbled many times when I found myself too overwhelmed to get everything completed and having to take help from friends. Normally, I have no trouble delegating, but oddly enough when I become over-whelmed, I get this sense of "you took this on, so you get it done" and it keeps me trying to deal with it myself. I just pray that God will give me the strength to take on the world, but He's really telling me to take the blessings He's put right in front of me.
With that said, I have the best friends EVER. The ones here.... they are amazing. Absolutely incredible at knowing when I need a hug, movie night, encouragement or some help with whatever I happen to be doing. And my friends from away.... I can't even express how great it is to be able to skype.message.call you all. I hate that all I've done is vent lately and ask for prayer, but I love that we can still be so close... yet so far away. I simply just love you all a lot.
Now that school craziness is over, and the storm should be calming... its time for friends, fun, food, traveling, and festivities.

God is just so SO so good. Prayer is powerful.

Deep Water

Two weeks ago, I sat in a movie theater in Halifax, and oddly enough, sang worship, took communion, and participated in a full Sunday morning church service... in a movie theater.
The church was called Deep Water and was an alternative place to meet for Sunday morning worship... and effective. I loved the casual and the younger aged atmosphere.
Basically they talked about how we have all these options when we make a decision in life... and we can lay out all the choices and then choose the right one.

As he continued, he talked about the distraction that all these options have on our decisions. Basically how easily we can loose sight of what God wants and His voice can become muffled.

The concept proposed i'll lay out like a math problem.
A+B=C
A - where we are standing
B - the 'thing' that will get us to
C - the final destination

We can fill in A no problem, and ideally we should know what we are trying to achieve, being C.

B is the variable we need to find. A lot of the time, we see before us a variety of options that will get us to C... but the problem is finding the right one. Often we go with our gut, advice we've been given or just what happens to be the easiest answer.

What if there was an easier way? What if there was a way to get the right answer with one simple step?

Here's the answer... ready?
Its as simple as this... God already has the answer!!

I know ... that sounds like the Sunday School answer, but consider this:
If we truly want to follow God with our lives, why do we lay out all the options before Him and ask him to lead us to the right one? What does that accomplish?
I've come to understand that all that does is present us with desires, distractions, temptations, and roadblocks that can lead us in all different directions. And honestly, do we think God needs us to lay out the possible choices for Him?
Consider instead having faith and just... giving it to God. He knows the answers, and knows when we need to hear them. If He's not working hard enough to get you the answer you want when you want it.. maybe we simply just don't need to know. Maybe we simply need to just trust Him.

Try looking to God first next time. All the time. Don't even let temptation get in your line of sight. Be confident that in His perfect will, God is taking care of your concerns. You will never be given something you can't handle with Him and He has the answer before we even ask.

Sidewalk Prophets

Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got His hand on You
So don't live life in fear
Forgive and forget
But don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say

a beautiful girl named kaity.

my dear old friend kaity called me tonight to inform me that she is engaged!
we chatted on the phone and talked about details after i caught my breath.

i absolutely ADORE this girl.

God is truely amazing. love is so beautiful, and these two... they've got it.
i can't wait to celebrate with her and her amazing boyfriend... or should i say fiance.
(see picture above)

congrats my lovely friend. i am so happy for you!!!!

Joy

Philippians 1:3-6
I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. .

This week it has once again become so apparent to me how blessed I am for the wonderful people in my life.

1 - Cornerstone. I am thankful for every single person I know there. I can't walk into church without being swarmed with the most caring, authentic people who genuinely care about what's going on in my life. People who are aware of how busy I am and still give me ways to get involved and project my voice as a young adult.

2 - Friends. I have friends both near and far right now who continually encourage me and keep me accountable. No matter how crazy life gets, they are always there to hear me vent and keep me rooted! I appreciate that I don't even have the opportunity to wander far because they all know me so well... and thankfully they know they can bring their concerns to me. Their love and kindness is overwhelming in the best ways! I don't know what I'd do without you all.

Update:
I cannot wait for Halifax this coming weekend. It will be an absolutely fabulous trip to see Jess, Caileigh, and Char!
I have a lot due next week; none of which I've started at this point.
I booked my tickets! Plans are coming together so well and I can't wait to see Lucas, Colleen, Emily and Kevin!!
Working two jobs = bills being paid faster = <3

This is what's on my mind

The memories of the past can be so haunting, so comforting, and so easy to fall back into. Finding a way through them and pushing towards something new is the hard part. That pathway seems so dark, so full of anger and temptation, and its easy to stray. We have been created to be so much more then this reality. Continually I see that there has to be a way to push through this towards a deep, meaningful relationship with a creator who is jealous for me, who desires a relationship with us, and gives us a purpose to live. I just want people to see that!!!! There are times that I wish I could see three steps in front of me, but the lamp unto my feet it only moves when I take a step.

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
Matthew 7:13-14

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalms 23:4

My advice for today: Forgive and Forget. Learn and move forward. Walk by faith and trust Him with all your heart. Life is too short to waste your time on wordly indulgences that hinder more then they help. Be authentic and show them what you're made of!

I shouldn't

I shouldn't be blogging right now, I should be writing my paper due in a few hours.
I shouldn't be awake right now, I should be sleeping myself back to health.
I shouldn't have made plans tonight, but I can't turn down a night out with friends.
I shouldn't feel compelled to go shopping right now because I have no money, but I do, and I will later today.

Proverbs 4:23

Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.

-Thanks Ellen! Love you girl!

God brings things to my attention in the weirdest ways, and I love it!

This past month I've not been myself. My zest for life was totally missing and my amount of complaints were soaring high. I wanted to blame it on the amount of things that I have been dealing with in other people's lives, but today I realized that I've always been dealing with this much or more, and I've never let it get to me in this way before.

I'm blessed with great friends, family and a wonderful boy in my life who make me very happy. Today I thank God for them knowing that they've been putting up with this for a bit now. I hope they know how much I appreciate them... and I need them.

Today I took the time to give God fully, everything I'm dealing with. I can't explain, or put to words how good that feels. Even just reflecting on these past few months, I have so much to be thankful for.
I got a new amazing job.
I have a wonderful new small group community that support me in prayer and fellowship.
I have grown stronger with a lot of my friends, even the ones who live away.
God has made the missions call in my life... so reinforced!
I have seen this boy grow in marvelous ways, and make huge steps of progress, even if he can't see it.
I am loving my other job, and I got a raise!
My classes are going well, and I've re-learnt the importance of doing my homework!!
... and the list goes on and on.

Praise God. He will provide!

I don't even like this game.

I sit here and complain about the silence I receive. I let myself doubt and I feel the my doubt being stretched farther then necessary. I shouldn't expect something if I don't ask for it.

I'd rather just drive to you. Right now. A lack of certain things binds me here.

I refuse to let fear and doubt hold me here. I'm done wondering and waiting. You've made it clear to me that You are where I need to find refuge, and that... this is good.

Oh baby I'm impatient.

The best gift!

Although September 27 (my birthday) was a very weird day, the morning was the best church service I could ever ask for.


The service just seemed absolutely breath taking. Morgan, along with 4 other people from the church were baptisted. It was absolutely refreshing to see them all confess their undeniable love for God publicly. As they stepped out of the baptism pool, they were all absolutely drenched wearing the biggest expressions of happiness and refreshment.

It was beauty in a tangible form.
Oh how He loves us.

n.i.n.e.t.e.e.n.

My 19th birthday was a totally a night to remember! Numerous photo shoots, lots of laughs, a few beer and good friends... what more could I ask for?!

We started the night with Jen hosting a lovely little get together for some friends. About 10 of us were packed into Jenn's room blasting music and dancing!

We later ended up at Peak's to go out dancing! It was my first time in a real bar after hours and we had a great time.


Around 1:30. we decided to walk uptown to Isie's to see Sunday Punch play me happy birthday beatles style! Our night ended at 3am at the local Chinese Restaurant for some beautiful sweet & sour chicken ball! yummy! A night like this was totally needed but I honestly don't understand how anyone can do it every weekend. I love my girls. Thanks for a great night out!!

The boy she loves

"When she looks down at her left hand, there is a ring on her finger. it reminds her of the boy she loves with all her heart. She's marrying that boy next summer, and he makes her,

THE luckiest!"

is this not the cutest thing you've ever heard?!

i saw this on my friend's wall when i was sending him a message to catch up. i am so so happy for them. he's known he would marry her for a while now. finally : )

i am certain this exists for me somehow.

... i'll just keep dreaming

A Blessing for Life

Cornerstone's College and Career Small Group has finally started! We are getting into a study called "Walking in the Ways of God" and I am thrilled to get into some great discussion.

We are reading deuteronomy 30: 11-20 can be found here if you want to read it, but in an effort to keep this post short, I'll get to the point.


God makes it so easy... so clear for us. He lays it out. He sets life and death before us, and asks us to choose. We have the choice! We have freewill to choose what we want, but because God cares for us as His creation, He urges us to choose life. He is completely honest with us and He essentially outlines the outcome of each choice.

Bottom line is: life = prosperity & death = destruction.

John Waller wrote a beautiful song, The Blessing, and it reads...
Let it be said of us while we walked among the living, Let it be said of us by the ones we leave behind:
that we lived to be a blessing for life
that we gave to reach the dying
that our legacy is a blessing for life.
that our hearts belong to Jesus
that we spoke the words of life
that our heritage is a blessing for life.
Being a blessing for life what we are called to do as Christians in a broken world. It's so exiting to see The Holy Spirit work though us in other people's lives. God is great!

Today I was sitting in War & Peace. We were discussing that war began with civilization and now we're at a stage where war can end civilization.
There was a girl sitting to my far right who was of the Islamic faith, I'm guessing. Of course when discussing war in its current state, it would be obvious that the conversation would include the huge concern and power struggle between the Europe, Russia and Middle Eastern countries. ... oh don't forget the US. Nuclear bombs... of course.
As she spoke, it occurred to me her reality. It was really hard to believe how much of a daily reality war would be to her. Her home, maybe her family. She spoke to the issue between India and Israel like it was second nature... and i guess it was. Home, where ever that is for her, is basically an alternate reality compared to the one i know. Maybe I'm incredibly naive but I just couldn't get over how obnoxiously aware she was of the possibility and consequences of a nuclear war and I was sitting there in daze and confusion.

I conclude that I'm blessed far beyond deserving... and really out of touch with internation politics.

The End.

Short and Sweet

this week is nso, and with all everyone all finally back together, i can't believe how fast it was to get back into last year's circles. this makes the comfort level nice and high, but it also makes it very easy to slip into old habits.

i miss lucas a lot. talking to him instantaneously puts a smile on my face and i love it. i've never been so sure of a relationship. ever. patience is easy when i'm this sure. God is really blessing me.

i'm lonely without kevin to talk to. nothing compares to the random conversation kevin and i had on the phone. please get a new phone!!

Me...Superman...nah.

I'm up posting because I'm tired and my mind is racing.
There appears to be a stereotype. The one that classifies the good girl who always goes for the broken guys. Apparently I fall into that category, and honestly... my track record doesn't reflect anything but. What can i say... I like to fix things! Relationships scare me for a lot of reasons but yet... i seem to be so fearless at the same time. These reasons I would have to take a whole other post to list and explain so I won't go there tonight.

Its absolutely true. Ask my friends. The majority of the guys I find myself attracted to have issues (some worse then others) and need me... or at least I would like to think they do. The problem is that I mildly suffer from what my pastor calls a "savour complex" or commonly known as the "superman complex" which basically means I want to fix things. I'm not exactly an extremest like what Wikipedia defines.

Its a wonderful gift to have but as I've come to see the responsibilities that comes with it, I've been slowly learning a few key things.

1. Everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves, no exceptions.
2. God will put people in your life. Its up to us to respond.
3. Every single person has the choice to turn their lives around... even when they feel stuck, but if no one will give them a shot, offer them forgiveness and and a chance, then they really are stuck.
4. Its tough, but sometime you have to know when to stop "beating a dead horse". Not everyone wants to change.
5. There is a line. A critical line of which you have to be careful when crossing. Indulging in a relationship with someone who is emotionally or in general a mess can damage and compromise their progress.

That about sums it up. Its what I've learn first hand and through friends this summer and I just hope I will be smart enough to use what I have learnt. Life is full of change and people can surprise you!

Get off your donkey and do some good!!

Oasis was loaded with a lot of important things to think about as an individual and as a church.

Reggie McNeal talked a lot about the difference between a 'church centered universe' and a 'kingdom centered universe'. It seems that most churches, Baptist's included, are becoming more and more 'church-centric.'

"If we think were the point, we'll act like the point, and were NOT the point".

He also was sure to make it clear that its not all about us. Its all about the kingdom, and the kingdom is bigger then the church! Sometimes we're so focused on our programs that we forget to reach out, we forget that Jesus is with the broken, He is with the homeless, He is with the sick, and He calls us to meet them on their level.

Here are some other good points from the event (yes I actually took notes):

We have one job: to bless the world.

Just simply ask people, "how can i as God to bless you?" or "what is it that you need to see God do in your life?" or "how can I pray for you?"

Its not their job to come to us.

We are not the point, but we are His people, and we have been cut in on the deal.

We grew up in a generation where we were the answer - (we create the program = they come to us = were the answer... NO!). People need God where they are!

Get off your donkey and do some good!!

Focus on customized leaning remembering that we're all different, we learn different ways, and we've encountered different things.

Grow people through service, not grow people to service.

We went on an adventure!

North Cape was so much fun! It was far enough away but worth the drive, even soaked on the way back. The turbines were so beautiful and the water was really nice. A really nice way to spend a Summer Sunday afternoon!

For God so loved 'the church'... not so much!

oasis was absolutely fantastic!

jody urged the aby executive to go if they could so i thought.... why not?! i stayed with melissa in berwick at her grandparent's, and we met up with shannon each day!

we were making plans for the week. we were pretty busy, but melissa and i didn't have plans for supper friday, for no particular reason. we went to a seminar, and met the most amazing people. they were fantastic christian leaders from Wycliffe, an organization that is made up of national workers worldwide in the ministries of bible translation. they partner with local churches in canada and various missions projects. their organisation is SO diverse with a lot of opportunities. i'm really excited to hear from them to potentially get involved! i am so thankful. it was really cool that that particular part of our day happened to be free and that these wonderful people just invited us out.

I can't afford it all...

A list of things I want.... no need to save for this year.

1. A new (nice) camera - i miss the days when I could just go for a walk and take pictures and too many things this summer went undocumented.
2. Money for a missions trip in May.
3. A MacBook - black preferably - it will make school a heck of a lot easier.
4. I probably should pay for school.
5. A new iPod - i miss having music for my runs, my car rides, my beach days and my long days at work - i miss having music for life.

That's pretty much it! Short and sweet (and expensive).

We'll see how that goes...

Brrrr!

I can remember the day we met. I could describe it in almost every detail. It was so cold out. You caught my eye right away. There was something about you, an obvious allure, but then something more.... more then i could put words to. I couldn't figure you out, you had a wall I was compelled to break down although I couldn't figure out what drew me to you. Indescribable and unattainable.

It was a challenge, it was interesting, and more then I expected. I didn't question it. I felt a pull on my heart to reach out, and I hold my hand out, waiting, dreaming, praying that our hands would meet. They may, but that's not mine to know.

I will carry on, with my hand out by my side.

-You'd call this chiché, but its the truth.

Summer escape

Here comes my vacation weekend number 2 this summer!!
I'm really curious how I have time to even be sitting here with the amount of things I have to do, but I'm here none the less.
Oasis (Convention Assembly) will be fantastic I'm sure. Business meetings and seminars. Fabulous worship and teaching. I've been coaxed into being a leader at the youth assembly program so I'll be back and forth all week. My Saturday promises to be the best though. I get to spend the whole day with Justin Kaity Melissa and their other halves (whom I've never met)!!!! Its been almost a year since I've seen Kaity. I can't wait.
So if i ever get out of the house, I'll be hitting the open road... just me and Helen until I meet Melissa in Truro. Thank God for GPS : )

Thank you

So lately, the same thing seems to becoming more and more clear. God has given me so many fabulous people in my life. Life lately has been great. This summer has been great, but with my grandfather getting so sick this past week, my life has been in a tumble. It seems that the second I fall into any negative, these friends that I've always had, just step up without hesitation. I have countless friends here who are just so great. I am truly blessed! And messages from Elissa, Justin, Lucas, Kevin, Ali, Colleen, Melissa and Jess... they just light up my day!

"When it hurts to look back, and your scared to look ahead, look beside you and your best friends will be there." - Unknown

I hope I am half the friend y'all have been to me lately.

Thank you.

We live, We learn...

"The important thing is not to be bitter over life’s disappointments. Learn to let go of the past. And recognize that every day won’t be sunny, and when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair, remember it’s only in the black of night you see the stars. And those stars will lead you back home. So don’t be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, cause most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you’ll get everything you wish for. Maybe you’ll get more than you ever could have imagined. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination.”

-Coach Whitey Durham

Oh shucks!

Today was so up and down. More down then up, but I'm choosing to see the positive!

Chase and Ellen once again rescued me from my being home alone and swept me away to our wonderful pizza and movie nights. I don't think they understand how much I need them, but I just thank God for their awesome spirits which demand I leave my self pity at home and smile! My summer with them has been fabulous!

I finally met with Natasha! It was the first time I'd seen her in about four months and being with her was an absolute breath of fresh air. Her joy was so evident after the big changes in her life, and God's really taught her so much. Our visit was to catch up and explain a lot of things which cleared the air and answered a lot of questions. Not only is she a fantastic role model of a Godly women, she is passionate about a lot of things I enjoy and I find it so easy to talk to her. The silence between us is comfortable and she is so understanding. I missed having her around, but I'm so happy for her and I'm really excited for her to embrace the island as home :)

Helen is being silly and costing me a pocket full to be fixed. I think its her way of telling me that I need abusing her.

Tomorrow night may be the last time I see Christine, and that will bum be right out. I wish I had more time with her. I miss Bridgette already like crazy. Oh boy how the summer has flew by. I can't say I take back one thing that happened! I've had a blast.

Deaming

Today, I decided to dream. I know I know, just like every girl, I can run off the top of my head the color scheme, location, and brides maids of my dream wedding. I've stumbled upon a website (One Boy, One Girl) I absolutely adore. I can imagine walking down the aisle towards a life with someone I love; my prince charming. Take a look! ( I would serve Shirley Temples to all my guests!)

On another note, I started running again! Turn on the tunes, and just kick 'er into gear. It feels fabulous but I came to realized I'm right out of shape. My goal for the end of the summer is to be able to run my normal run again. I remember how fantastic it used to feel knowing I could run from anything. Its liberating, energising, refreshing.

Last but not least, to finish off the summer with a bang, Luke and his friend are coming to visit! Fabulous!

Truth be told, I'm lying

So as i press replay on the song Gives You Hell by the All-American Rejects, my all time favorite 'angry at a boy song', i realise that so many people sing this song in absolute bitter anger wishing the worst on their ex. This song reminds me of driving with Jon Matthews in Ontario, our late night road trip to Tim's! I must admit the song makes me feel mildly better about my current situation, but seeing as its really not that big of a deal in the first place, i know my thoughts towards this song are more comical then serious.
But in any case, I must admit, they lyrics fit quite well.

Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
Where'd it all go wrong, the list goes on and on

And truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I'm lying

Now you'll never see, what you've done to me
You can take back your memories they're no good to me
And here's all your lies,
You can look me in my eyes
With that sad sad look that you wear so well

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool, your just as well, hope it gives you hell

:) That feels better

Oh my Oh my, Hold up...

May I just say one thing. When God closes a door, he opens a window. And He's opened some mighty awesome windows this week!!!! Not only has He been blessing be with some fantastic friends, He has put before me a few decisions that are absolutely worth considering; a missions trip to Africa next May, a beautiful new sponsor child who just happens to be in the same location of the missions trip, and a fantastic new job opportunity.

Oh my!

Photo Shoot Swap

Apparently youth these days have started a new craze. Children ages 11-18 are participating in the new fad, Sexting. If you don't get it, it's simply sending sexually explicit images of themselves on cell phones. Here in Canada were obviously missing out on this new trend although I'm not convinced were really missing out. What's attractive about an eleven year old's body?

Allan Mugarura

This is my boy Allan!
He is 4 years old from Uganda.
I'm absolutely in love with his smile and honored to be able to sponsor him.
Compassion Canada has a great plan set up if you're interested in sponsoring a child! Its the greatest feeling receiving a letter and sending stickers.

We are blessed

Today I was reading an article in my SOJOURNERS magazine by Julie Polter.

Obstetric Fistula. Have you heard of it? It’s virtually unheard of in countries like Canada, but is sadly common in developing countries. Fistula is a medical condition that is a very real problem for an estimated 2 million women worldwide. These women go through an agonizing obstructed labor lasting days because the baby cannot pass through her pelvis. The baby is stuck either because the mother is a child who had been raped or forced to marry young... or has her growth been stunted because of malnutrition. At times, through the agony of the birth, the baby dies and the lifeless body is delivered.

During such a traumatic birth, the pressure of the baby’s head causes a hole. For the rest of the mother's life, urine and feces leak out of the hole and the odor is embarrassingly noticeable. The $300 operation to reverse Fistula is virtually unattainable for the majority of women who suffer from it. Many women struggle with depression, abandonment by their partners, families and communities, and live in isolation because of the constant leaking and odor.

We don’t hear about it here because we avoid it at all costs. We have found alternate methods to deliver the baby which liberates the mother of such a traumatic experience. The root causes of fistula are poverty, inadequate health care, and low social status of women. To see what The Fistula Foundation is doing, click here. They provide us with many ways to help, but more importantly, it makes us aware.

Everyday Sunday

I just experienced a God moment!!!

Chase called me earlier this week. We talked way to long, just like we always do. It was refreshing because we hadn't in a while.
He let me in on a secret!!!
He wants to work with kids and work at the church but wasn't sure how he'd be able to with him leaving in November.

I remember the days when we used to do Wednesday night kids ministries together.
Its been years. He is so good with kids. He meets them on their level so he can relate with them but has the maturity to have a firm voice. He demands respect and demonstrates masculinity.

He simply told me he was thinking about it, I took some time and prayed about it, and we didn't mention it again.
In our conversation today on the phone, Chase was thrilled to tell me that Brandy (the new children's ministry coordinator) had come to him that morning to ask him to work the grade 6 class in September!!!!
I am so excited for Chase! He told two people about God's pull on his heart and were certain either of us told Brandy. God is standing beside Chase, slowing reveling to him the man He wants him to be and its exciting to witness.

...So for all those moments we question God's presence in our lives when our faith is at a low, Chase is living proof that God remains by our side giving us opportunities to get back on track; its up to us to respond.

Trust

What is trust?

The online dictionary defines it as a firm belief or confidence in the honesty, integrity, reliability, justice, etc. of another person or thing; faith;

Everyone desires to be trusted. I personally think trust should be earned, and can be lost, but re-gained over time. Most people would agree with me there, but one thing many people forget is forgiveness. Its a vitally important part of the equation which liberates people from their past and allows them to move on.

Now of course forgiveness, just like trust, must be earned, deserved, and desired in order to be received. Don't hold mistakes over some one's head and continually punish them for their past. People make mistake, and they have to live with the consequences, but if you made the decision to stick by them while dealing with these consequences, its implied that you forgive them. Holding it over their head only hinders them from moving forward.

In the bible, Jesus tells us a story or a parable about the servant and forgiveness. It goes like this:

One day, there was a man who owed the King of the lands ten thousand talents. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything. ' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

When that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred Denali. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back. 'But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. (Matthew 6)

This story shows us a lot about the character of Christ and the example he sets for us, but it also teaches us a life lesson. Don't expect to be forgiven if you can't forgive those who have wronged you. Loosing trust is hard for some people and pasts haunt many of us. Never give up on regaining the trust you once had and never deprive someone of regaining the trust they once held. Learn to forgive. We see too many people in today's society walking around with their past hanging over their heads because they haven't been forgiven or can't forgive themselves.

the twin

i think often i forget how blessed i am. one things i will never take for granted is my summer oasis. twin shores.

this is what gets me through a week of work. keroke on a rainy night. beautiful long walks on the beach. late night swims. inside jokes that never grow old. family all around. bonfires and good tunes on the guitar. smiling faces and smores. the beauty. the friends. the breath-taking beach. the memories...

beautiful eh! this is a God given escape from reality.

pictures taken by rae-anne and myself!

Conscience For Confidence

You have no one to blame but yourself.
I'm not saying I'm perfect, I just can't stand to watch you fall.
People make mistakes. Trust comes and goes.
Take responsibility. Make it right.
Its time we drop this game and move on.
Break the cycle. Step back and see.
There is purpose. We have purpose. This is not how its supposed to be.
Your better then this.
Without God, its all in vein.
Don't count mistakes. He doesn't count mistakes.

Does anyone else see it?

Beauty overwhelms us, enchants is, fascinates us, and calls us.
--Fr. Andrew Greeley

Excitment

This coming week... will be fantastic!
A week disconnected from life and fully connected to God.
I get to catch up with Jessica!!! I miss her, I miss her, I miss her.
I get to spend the week with Melissa, Amy and Sarah!!! Were going to see My Sister's Keeper... and maybe some golf! It'll be right interesting!
I will get to visit with Bridgette, Matty and Julie!!!
God will move and I can't wait to see how He works through and around me.
Tidal Impact will be a hit and God will disrupt the lives of the youth through serving and worship!!
Wonderful! I am over joyed.

Expression?

Hinting. Beating around the bush. Assumptions.

.

What happened to honesty. What happened to being authentic and real with people. Are we ever straight forward anymore? Does our word mean anything?

.

If you love someone... tell them.

If your excited... be excited.

If you need to yell... just yell.

If you miss someone... let them know.

When you set a goal... do everything you can to achieve it.

If you have something special... hold onto it with love and appreciation.

Laugh, and enjoy life!

.

Appreciate what you have. Don't forget that all this can be gone just as fast as it appeared. Why not share in your joy... and your pain? Not one of us is truly alone. Always remember that life is temporary. Every second that goes by is one less second we have to live life... to do something meaningful. We are not just beings.. God gave us a purpose. He will always provide. Don't let the stress of tomorrow stop you from living life today.

Better things to come!

There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So, as she was getting her things in order, she contacted her Pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in. Everything was in order and the Pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.

'There's one more thing,' she said excitedly. 'What's that?' came the Pastor's reply. 'This is very important,' the young woman continued. 'I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand. 'The Pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say. 'That surprises you, doesn't it?' the young woman asked. 'Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request,' said the Pastor. The young woman explained. 'My grandmother once told me this story, and from that time on I have always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement. In all my years of attending socials and dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming...like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!

So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder 'What's with the fork?' Then I want you to tell them: 'Keep your fork, the best is yet to come.

'The Pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming. At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw the cloak she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the Pastor heard the question, 'What's with the fork?' And over and over he smiled. During his message, the Pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. He told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right.

So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind you, ever so gently, that the best is yet to come. Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us. Show your friends how much you care. Remember to always be there for them, even when you need them more. For you never know when it may be their time to 'Keep your fork.'

Cherish the time you have, and the memories you share... Being friends with someone is not an opportunity but a sweet responsibility.

Perspective

Wow. Life can be kinda funny. Oh man the tables can turn quickly. This happens way too often and is starting to make me wonder why I trusting my own judgment in the first place. It is becoming redundant. I always end up falling back on God... because there's like nothing that compares, nothing as stable, nothing as consistent. I can't do it myself. Call me weak , call me unsound... well yeah, alone that’s exactly what I am. I'd even go as far as using words like inadequate and incapable.

So why not eliminate the middle step? Why go through the trials alone? Would be so much easier to take refuge in God in all things, to praise Him through the good... and the bad...? The worse part is that I know to do this, but I don't always and God has been showing me so much this week that I need Him.

Psalm 139
1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

In God I can find reason to smile, I find patience, I am forgiven, and I am loved.
I won't turn my back on this love for worldly desires for I have been blessed with logic and perspective.

This may be a tad elusive...

I can see the obstacles in front of me, but I can't feel their pressure.
You make the pressure bareable.
Giving in is not an option.
I want to dive in. Deeper then before.
The little things... they are taking me over.
They make me smile.
I notice.
You are sunshine.
I trip over my own feet.
Show me your ways.
I want to demonstrate pure authenticity.
I'm not good at sugar coating.
I like control but I enjoy watching what happens when I let go.
I want more then this in every way. Is that selfish?
I hunger to know you more.
What's next?

Love and Suffering

This is an excerpt I came across in the book I’m reading, A Case for Faith by Lee Strobel.

“Would you agree that the difference between us and God is greater then the difference between us and say, a bear?

Okay then imagine a bear in a trap and a hunter who, out of sympathy, wants to liberate him. He tries to win the bear's confidence, but he can't do it, so he has to shoot the bear fill of drugs. The bear, however, thinks this is an attack and that the hunter is trying to kill him. He doesn't realize that this is being done out of compassion.

Then in order to get the bear out of the trap, the hunter has to push him further into the trap to release the tension on the spring. If the bear was semiconscious at that point, he would be even more convinced that the hunter was his enemy who was out to cause him suffering and pain. But the bear would be wrong. He reaches this incorrect conclusion because he's not a human being.

Now, how can anyone be certain that's not an analogy between us and God? I believe God does the same to us sometimes, and we can't comprehend why He does it any more then the bear can understand the motivations of the hunter. As the bear could have trusted the hunter, so can we trust God.”
-Peter Kreeft

I think this is one of my favorite parts of the book. It deals with the issues we all struggle with.... suffering, pain, injustices and the tough question... does the presence of suffering necessarily mean the absence of God? Why does a loving God allow us to suffer?

This is what I have learnt …

Suffering is a result of sin. I've seen suffering firsthand in very real ways. Children born into a third world country dealing with extreme poverty... not by choice or related to anything they’ve done... not to mention everyday realities such as disease, natural disasters, car accidents, broken families, addictions and the list trails on. Is God really standing by and letting this happen?

We are human therefore we have the ability to sin. So why do we have choice? Why did God give us choice which therefore giving us the ability to harm each other? If He loves us, how can He stand by and watch bad things happen to good people?

God made us this way because He loves us. He chose not to make us puppets that followed along blindly. He wants a relationship with us. Love is paramount here. True love can never be forced or demanded. You have to choose to love and it can never fully come from someone who wasn’t able to choose otherwise. Only when you make the decision from your will or desire can it truly be said to be complete and true love. This is why we have choice; why God gave us the ability to choose for ourselves. Sometimes we do good, and sometime we do evil.

With that said, I believe God to be a deity who loves. I know that life is difficult, testing, demanding, and rigorous… and sometimes we can’t explain why a loving God would allow certain injustices to happen. I have complete faith that He loves us and has our best interest in mind. I know that we cannot see the big picture, but He can.

Faith is active; it demands a response.
My thoughts are a meaningful confusion.

Here it comes...

Just when I thought things were getting better. Just when I thought we'd all decided to make the effort to make progress. Just when I thought that we would move past the bull and attempt become close. But no... that’s just not possible for my family. Someone always has to have the upper hand. Someone always has to have the last word. I will admit I am part of the problem. I am trying to work on being patient, kind and holding my tongue because the extremity of this whole situation concerns me, but it’s not easy. I've come to the conclusion that we are all stuck on each other’s faults and refuse to look into our own lives and realize that we each have traits that are detrimental and if we want to salvage any kind of relationship for the future, it just needs to be fixed. It hurts me to think that we are slowly but surely taking strips off each other. I can see It In my sister, the pain in her eyes, and the anger in her actions. I hate that I am apart of this and I almost feel like It’s too late.

Honestly… without getting to deep into it… the situation is far from hopeless. The big problem is that I don’t feel like anyone else is seeing how serious it is. We grew up blaming it on silly things that were quite serious but seemed uncontrollable. I was young then. I now see that all these things were controllable and this could have been avoided. But I won’t focus on the past. I thought it was getting better. I thought the Issues of the past would be left in the past. I see now that none of those Issues were resolved, just downsized and ignored. And now they appear to be surfacing. And maybe the only reason I thought it was getting better was because I was so disconnected to the situation and I can tell my lack of attention and compassion made it harder on my sisters. Oh how I wish that wasn’t the case.

I find It difficult because I am constantly told that It’s not my place to give my opinion on these Issues because they are not my own. I will admit I am not the cause of these Issues, nor am I, in anyway in control of the outcome, but do they affect me…? Yes. Do they affect the people around me…? Yes! So I kind of feel like my opinion should matter. But In any case the fact still remains that I cannot control the other members of my family and should try my best not to be apart of the problem. I can, In fact control the way I react to my family, the amount of house work I do In the lacking amount of time I spend there and of course the amount of time I spend with my sisters who often spend most of their time In their rooms when I’m not home.

I thank God everyday for the clarity and perspective He’s given me in this situation. It allows me to see that I am apart of the problem and lets me fix what I’m in control of. And as for the rest of is…. I am putting it in His hands knowing that only He can change their hearts and make a difference and I ask Him as often as I can remember to give me opportunities to change my actions.

Prince Charming

I have a dream. I am holding on to this dream with all I am. This dream is filled with the hope that the one I'm waiting for... my prince charming... will be everything I need and more. Often I am called corny and sometimes even crazy but I've come to realize that I wouldn't change that for the world. I'm not asking for that fairy tale love or anything unrealistic, I just want it to be true... I want it to be real.


This guy... my prince charming... I don't know who he'll be or what he'll do. I don't know where he'll live or when we'll meet. For all I know I've already met him. But this I do know. I know that he will challenge me to be a better person and keep me accountable. I know that he will tell me when I'm being difficult and be patient with me. I know that he will love me for me and nothing less. I know that this someone is going to be one who i trust completely, who trusts me completely and who will share my love for ministries. I hold onto this dream because I wouldn't have it any other way. I won't deserve this person, and maybe this is too much to ask, but I will still hope... still dream.


I have days where I consider giving in but I am thankfully reminded time and time again that giving in is not an option. I have been given countless opportunities to engage in relationships that may have grown into something serious, but each and every time I found myself unable to ignore the obvious issues. I am glad I was raised smart enough to give my head a shake and end it to avoid unnecessary pain. I want to stop myself right there and make it clear that I am thankful for everyone one of you. I have learnt a lot from those small opportunities. I wouldn't take any part of it back because without them, I wouldn't be the person I am today... I wouldn't of learnt the same lessons which have brought me to this wonderful dream.


I understand our craving to be loved but can't comprehend our obsession with investing emotions in relationships that won't last. I find it curious that we choose not to face certain issues because maybe... just maybe if we don't acknowledge them, they'll go away. But they don't just go away. It just doesn't make sense to me. Over the years I have tried to learn from my mistakes and the mistakes my friends have made. Friends who, to this day still deal with damage caused by others; the biggest downfall of letting someone get close. But I don't think the past should hinder us in any way. I believe that learning from it is very important but allowing it to define you is silly. I will be the first to admit I have made mistakes I wish had never happened, but I know they don't define me and will only make me stronger. Chances should be taken, walls will be broken down, pain is temporary and lessons will be learnt!

Love... how to define it. It is a feeling, an emotion... it is almost impossible to fully define because it can make you do the craziest things. Say the word love and I think of family, of growing old together, of a life of travel, ministries, adventures, and excitement. I know love will be filled with patience, kindness, selflessness, passion, zeal, safety, trust, hope and perseverance. This love... this guy... I won't deserve and I pray I never take for granted. It sounds fantastic right... almost unrealistic and maybe too much to ask, but I will continue to hope... continue to pray... and continue to dream!!

My thoughts are a meaningful confusion