Perspective

Wow. Life can be kinda funny. Oh man the tables can turn quickly. This happens way too often and is starting to make me wonder why I trusting my own judgment in the first place. It is becoming redundant. I always end up falling back on God... because there's like nothing that compares, nothing as stable, nothing as consistent. I can't do it myself. Call me weak , call me unsound... well yeah, alone that’s exactly what I am. I'd even go as far as using words like inadequate and incapable.

So why not eliminate the middle step? Why go through the trials alone? Would be so much easier to take refuge in God in all things, to praise Him through the good... and the bad...? The worse part is that I know to do this, but I don't always and God has been showing me so much this week that I need Him.

Psalm 139
1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

In God I can find reason to smile, I find patience, I am forgiven, and I am loved.
I won't turn my back on this love for worldly desires for I have been blessed with logic and perspective.

This may be a tad elusive...

I can see the obstacles in front of me, but I can't feel their pressure.
You make the pressure bareable.
Giving in is not an option.
I want to dive in. Deeper then before.
The little things... they are taking me over.
They make me smile.
I notice.
You are sunshine.
I trip over my own feet.
Show me your ways.
I want to demonstrate pure authenticity.
I'm not good at sugar coating.
I like control but I enjoy watching what happens when I let go.
I want more then this in every way. Is that selfish?
I hunger to know you more.
What's next?

Love and Suffering

This is an excerpt I came across in the book I’m reading, A Case for Faith by Lee Strobel.

“Would you agree that the difference between us and God is greater then the difference between us and say, a bear?

Okay then imagine a bear in a trap and a hunter who, out of sympathy, wants to liberate him. He tries to win the bear's confidence, but he can't do it, so he has to shoot the bear fill of drugs. The bear, however, thinks this is an attack and that the hunter is trying to kill him. He doesn't realize that this is being done out of compassion.

Then in order to get the bear out of the trap, the hunter has to push him further into the trap to release the tension on the spring. If the bear was semiconscious at that point, he would be even more convinced that the hunter was his enemy who was out to cause him suffering and pain. But the bear would be wrong. He reaches this incorrect conclusion because he's not a human being.

Now, how can anyone be certain that's not an analogy between us and God? I believe God does the same to us sometimes, and we can't comprehend why He does it any more then the bear can understand the motivations of the hunter. As the bear could have trusted the hunter, so can we trust God.”
-Peter Kreeft

I think this is one of my favorite parts of the book. It deals with the issues we all struggle with.... suffering, pain, injustices and the tough question... does the presence of suffering necessarily mean the absence of God? Why does a loving God allow us to suffer?

This is what I have learnt …

Suffering is a result of sin. I've seen suffering firsthand in very real ways. Children born into a third world country dealing with extreme poverty... not by choice or related to anything they’ve done... not to mention everyday realities such as disease, natural disasters, car accidents, broken families, addictions and the list trails on. Is God really standing by and letting this happen?

We are human therefore we have the ability to sin. So why do we have choice? Why did God give us choice which therefore giving us the ability to harm each other? If He loves us, how can He stand by and watch bad things happen to good people?

God made us this way because He loves us. He chose not to make us puppets that followed along blindly. He wants a relationship with us. Love is paramount here. True love can never be forced or demanded. You have to choose to love and it can never fully come from someone who wasn’t able to choose otherwise. Only when you make the decision from your will or desire can it truly be said to be complete and true love. This is why we have choice; why God gave us the ability to choose for ourselves. Sometimes we do good, and sometime we do evil.

With that said, I believe God to be a deity who loves. I know that life is difficult, testing, demanding, and rigorous… and sometimes we can’t explain why a loving God would allow certain injustices to happen. I have complete faith that He loves us and has our best interest in mind. I know that we cannot see the big picture, but He can.

Faith is active; it demands a response.
My thoughts are a meaningful confusion.

Here it comes...

Just when I thought things were getting better. Just when I thought we'd all decided to make the effort to make progress. Just when I thought that we would move past the bull and attempt become close. But no... that’s just not possible for my family. Someone always has to have the upper hand. Someone always has to have the last word. I will admit I am part of the problem. I am trying to work on being patient, kind and holding my tongue because the extremity of this whole situation concerns me, but it’s not easy. I've come to the conclusion that we are all stuck on each other’s faults and refuse to look into our own lives and realize that we each have traits that are detrimental and if we want to salvage any kind of relationship for the future, it just needs to be fixed. It hurts me to think that we are slowly but surely taking strips off each other. I can see It In my sister, the pain in her eyes, and the anger in her actions. I hate that I am apart of this and I almost feel like It’s too late.

Honestly… without getting to deep into it… the situation is far from hopeless. The big problem is that I don’t feel like anyone else is seeing how serious it is. We grew up blaming it on silly things that were quite serious but seemed uncontrollable. I was young then. I now see that all these things were controllable and this could have been avoided. But I won’t focus on the past. I thought it was getting better. I thought the Issues of the past would be left in the past. I see now that none of those Issues were resolved, just downsized and ignored. And now they appear to be surfacing. And maybe the only reason I thought it was getting better was because I was so disconnected to the situation and I can tell my lack of attention and compassion made it harder on my sisters. Oh how I wish that wasn’t the case.

I find It difficult because I am constantly told that It’s not my place to give my opinion on these Issues because they are not my own. I will admit I am not the cause of these Issues, nor am I, in anyway in control of the outcome, but do they affect me…? Yes. Do they affect the people around me…? Yes! So I kind of feel like my opinion should matter. But In any case the fact still remains that I cannot control the other members of my family and should try my best not to be apart of the problem. I can, In fact control the way I react to my family, the amount of house work I do In the lacking amount of time I spend there and of course the amount of time I spend with my sisters who often spend most of their time In their rooms when I’m not home.

I thank God everyday for the clarity and perspective He’s given me in this situation. It allows me to see that I am apart of the problem and lets me fix what I’m in control of. And as for the rest of is…. I am putting it in His hands knowing that only He can change their hearts and make a difference and I ask Him as often as I can remember to give me opportunities to change my actions.

Prince Charming

I have a dream. I am holding on to this dream with all I am. This dream is filled with the hope that the one I'm waiting for... my prince charming... will be everything I need and more. Often I am called corny and sometimes even crazy but I've come to realize that I wouldn't change that for the world. I'm not asking for that fairy tale love or anything unrealistic, I just want it to be true... I want it to be real.


This guy... my prince charming... I don't know who he'll be or what he'll do. I don't know where he'll live or when we'll meet. For all I know I've already met him. But this I do know. I know that he will challenge me to be a better person and keep me accountable. I know that he will tell me when I'm being difficult and be patient with me. I know that he will love me for me and nothing less. I know that this someone is going to be one who i trust completely, who trusts me completely and who will share my love for ministries. I hold onto this dream because I wouldn't have it any other way. I won't deserve this person, and maybe this is too much to ask, but I will still hope... still dream.


I have days where I consider giving in but I am thankfully reminded time and time again that giving in is not an option. I have been given countless opportunities to engage in relationships that may have grown into something serious, but each and every time I found myself unable to ignore the obvious issues. I am glad I was raised smart enough to give my head a shake and end it to avoid unnecessary pain. I want to stop myself right there and make it clear that I am thankful for everyone one of you. I have learnt a lot from those small opportunities. I wouldn't take any part of it back because without them, I wouldn't be the person I am today... I wouldn't of learnt the same lessons which have brought me to this wonderful dream.


I understand our craving to be loved but can't comprehend our obsession with investing emotions in relationships that won't last. I find it curious that we choose not to face certain issues because maybe... just maybe if we don't acknowledge them, they'll go away. But they don't just go away. It just doesn't make sense to me. Over the years I have tried to learn from my mistakes and the mistakes my friends have made. Friends who, to this day still deal with damage caused by others; the biggest downfall of letting someone get close. But I don't think the past should hinder us in any way. I believe that learning from it is very important but allowing it to define you is silly. I will be the first to admit I have made mistakes I wish had never happened, but I know they don't define me and will only make me stronger. Chances should be taken, walls will be broken down, pain is temporary and lessons will be learnt!

Love... how to define it. It is a feeling, an emotion... it is almost impossible to fully define because it can make you do the craziest things. Say the word love and I think of family, of growing old together, of a life of travel, ministries, adventures, and excitement. I know love will be filled with patience, kindness, selflessness, passion, zeal, safety, trust, hope and perseverance. This love... this guy... I won't deserve and I pray I never take for granted. It sounds fantastic right... almost unrealistic and maybe too much to ask, but I will continue to hope... continue to pray... and continue to dream!!

My thoughts are a meaningful confusion